B+

An old college friend said something one time that has stuck with me. She said that when she found out that her blood type was B-positive, she decided to make that her life's goal. After all, it was in her blood.

Today a friend and I were talking about being positive. It's a lifestyle...How do you get there? Are some people just born with that ray-of-sunshine-ness? Is it learned? Is it a conscious effort?

We settled on this answer: yes, it's all of those. But we also determined that one's level of positiveness is in direct proportion to one's level of faith. Jason Upton has a song that says, "In Your presence, all fear is gone." (Obviously that's straight from scripture, as well, I just tend to remember songs better.) It's true. I over-think, over-analyze, and over-worry about situations. Finally I just spill it to God. I bear my soul to Him. I tell Him to just fix the problem. And somewhere in that, while I'm in His presence, the fear vanishes. Everything is OK. Then I wonder why I was so worried, remember why, think about why, think some more about why, and end up ushering in the anxiety again...Even though mere minutes ago, in the presence of the Almighty God, I knew without a doubt that He had things under control. How quick I am to abandon faith.

We also discussed process. You have to love the process. It's not about the end result...it's about the process of getting there. In God's great love for us, He doesn't just give us things. There is a process, and through that we grow and mature and learn to trust. And when we do get to that end, if we've loved the process enough to glean what we can from it, the end is just a by-product. But it's a sweet one because of what it took to get there.

So what now? First, we made a pact to love the process. Second, we both came away knowing that our faith has to be more than intellectual faith. We have to know with our very core. And the only way to know and not fear is to be continually in the presence of the One who drives out fear.

I Bought a Keyboard Today

I love music.

When I was young, I took piano lessons. I had to practice 30 minutes a day, and I had to perform at recitals. I didn't especially like doing either of those things. The practice I didn't like because...well, what kid likes to be that disciplined? The recitals I didn't like because I was very shy. When I started band in 5th grade, I stopped taking piano lessons. Looking back, I wish I would have done both band and piano.

Over the past several years, I have had a growing desire to re-learn piano. Every time I see or hear someone play, something rises up in me. I know that I have music in me. Sometimes I'm full of emotions and think to myself, "If I had a keyboard, I could get some of this pressure off me." There are things can only be expressed through music. Words and actions simply cannot express the fullest extent of emotions. If you think I'm wrong, try to watch a movie with no music.

Now all I need to do is re-learn my chords, practice scales and arpeggios, dig out my old piano books, and practice for 30 minutes a day. No recitals, though, thank you very much.

Ends and Beginnings

Two years ago, we began our Saturday night worship service. Last night was the end.

It's hard to believe that it's been two years. It has gone fast, but on the other hand two years ago seems like a long time ago. I remember when we first started meeting and talking about a Saturday night service. We had these great ideas...take out the side sections of chairs every week; put up a black curtain for a backdrop; build a jut-out for the stage. We did the chairs for about three weeks and then realized it would work just as well to just block those sections off instead. The black curtain we did do, and it turned out great. I laughed when I found out they started using it on Sunday mornings, too...and now the wall is painted black on stage. The stage jut-out never happened. We prayed a lot about what the service would be spiritually, and had some really good words from the Lord about it. Have we specifically seen all those happen? No, not that I know of. But I do know that we have changed and that years from now, we'll still be seeing fruit from these past two.

Last night during p&w, I looked around at different people and really was overwhelmed by how God has changed us. How He gradually brings freedom into lives. How He develops faithfulness in us. How He grows and matures us. How He forms unlikely friendships. How He uses us to sharpen each other. How He changes thoughts and ideas we have. How He shapes us individually and how He shapes us as a group.

I am actually having a little bit harder time seeing Saturday nights end than I thought I would. Mostly I'm sad that the band won't be the same. We grew up together, in a way. We've had our rough patches...Man, there were one or two practices that were unbelievably bad. Not just sound-wise...Attitude-wise. But we made it through those rough times. It's those that brought us together more than the good times, I think. We had to figure each other out. We learned to respect each other. We learned to trust each other. We learned to read each other. And as I look at it, I think we're right on the verge of truly worshiping together as a band. Maybe that's part of what makes it so hard for me. Musically, we've been great for a long time. But spiritually, I think we were right on the edge of something as a band. And I really wanted to see what that was.

With the end, though, comes a beginning. I'm not sure what it's the beginning of, exactly, but there is a beginning. Changes are hard, but hard isn't necessarily bad. God has plans. Last night we sang Ready Now. Part of the song says,

So take my heart and make it new,
and make it true,
and make it like You.
Take my hands; I lift them high.
They're Yours not mine to do, do what You will.

Do what you will. Do what you will.

I'm ready now. I'm ready now. I'm ready now.
Do what You will.
I'm ready now. I'm ready now. I'm ready now.

And I realized that Next is not a service. I remembered why we called it Next in the first place. It's because we're next. Who's next? We are. It's not a service. It's people. So Next isn't really ending. We're just spreading around to other service times. We're still us. We're still next.

So what is this end the beginning of? I don't know, but whatever it is, the Lord says we're ready now.

From Kansas City

Hey, from Kansas City! Yesterday we went to the Plaza for some serious shopping. I bought an umbrella, some templates to make envelopes, and a very expensive parking ticket. For real?!? Yeah. At the Plaza, they have free 2-hour parking. We arrived a little after 10:00 and parked in the first spot we could manage (oh, this is why they teach us parallel parking). After shopping for a couple hours, then eating at Cheesecake Factory for another hour and shopping some more, I decided maybe I should move the car to a different 2-hour parking spot. So we drove around and parked at the first spot we could manage. Shopped for about one or one-and-a-half more hours, then decided to leave. And saw a ticket on my window. I had inadvertently parked in handicapped parking. Don't ever do that.

Last night we went to a little restaurant that has live jazz every night. Pretty fun. Felt like we were in a movie. It was all dark with this great ambiance. It was a Monday night, so business was real slow...We were the first ones there, and after us only a few others came in. Woman and her daughter; man, woman, and their son; Spanish-speaking group of four; guy and his girlfriend. I think the two kids were probably students of the sax/clarinet/flute player. The waitresses had their own styles, for sure, but were really nice. Drummer, as Steph would say, looked like my boyfriend. Bekah said of course I would fall for the drummer, haha. We had fun.

Today we went to the National WWI museum. Absolutely fabulous. If you're ever in KC, you have to go to this museum. We stayed about four hours. The first half of the museum was about what happened before the US got involved. The second half was mostly about the US. After we got finished inside, we went outside. There were two other buildings that had murals and war art. Amazing.

As we were leaving, it began to rain. By the time we decided to take off our shoes and run to the car, we were already soaked. It was hilarious. So we decided to skip the rest of the day's plans and just hang out at our hotel.






And here we are with my new umbrella that was in the trunk of my car while we were running through the rain. :)

Salt In the Wound

Amid sharp cuts from the legislature, every state university in Oklahoma raised tuition between 9% and 10% for next year (except for OPSU, who raised theirs 11.3%). The first thing that makes me mad is the cuts from the Legislature. For example, CU's state appropriations were cut by $82,510. RSU's were cut by $178,902!! For RSU, that's a 16% cut in state appropriations as compared to last year! Am I mad at the Legislature? Yes. Yes, I am. Why are they cutting higher education money? Don't tell me that Oklahoma doesn't have enough money. We have money, learn to manage it! I'm all for people taking responsibility for their education in every way, finances included. However, these are state universities. This is called "wound."

Because I am an OSU student, I get daily emails from them. I'm sick to death of receiving at least one email a day telling me how much money so-and-so-rich-alumnus has donated. $100 million here, $50million there. Yes, a total of $66.8 million dollars donated to OSU in the last six weeks...that doesn't include T.Boone Pickens' earlier donation. And I have gotten an email about it all, sometimes 2-3 per donation. "Once fully matched dollar-for-dollar by T. Boone Pickens’ $100 million chair match commitment, as well as the Oklahoma State Regents for Higher Education, the total impact of the historic initiative will be $333.6 million for endowed chairs and professorships at OSU." And then I check out the local news. OU has received $61 million in donations over the past two months, also eligible for dollar-for-dollar matching by Oklahoma. TCC, OU-Tulsa, and OSU-Tulsa received $25 million to split between them, also to be matched. This is called "salt."

And it burns.