Gag Rule

This week was my semi-annual trip to the dentist. I don't mind going to the dentist. My dentist's office great. It's a father/son practice, every one is super-nice, they're Christians, it's just a really good environment. There are only two problems. The first is that I'm not a regular flosser. Every time I go they tell me the scary story of gum disease after they make my gums bleed. I got wise to their ways, though. Now about a week and a half before my appointments, I start flossing. How bad is that?!? Works, though. No scary gum disease story this time.

The second problem is this: I'm a gagger. Have you ever had molds made of your mouth? If I'm ever captured by the Chinese, all they'll have to do is shove those big molds extra-full of goop into my mouth a few times, and I'll tell them anything they want to know. Oh, they tell you to lean forward, it helps. Wiggle your toes, it helps. Let us spray this stuff in the back of your throat, it helps. I'm here to tell you, it doesn't help. My sister has no problem with having molds made. I absolutely don't understand.

Back to the story. Once a year the denists takes x-rays of my back teeth. In order to accomplish this, they have to put those little tabs in the very back of my mouth for me to bite down on. This is no good-o. It takes several tries before they actually get the shot before I spit the thing out of my mouth. I ususally have tears and snot. Fun, really. They've tried different things with me. The oddest is a salt trick one of the girls there knows. Right before she sticks the tabs in my mouth, I put salt on my tongue. It did actually work the first time they tried it. Maybe it was the shock value, who knows. Well, this time, the hygienist put the big x-ray apron on me, positioned the x-ray machine by my face, and put the tab in. Before she was out of the room to push the button...gag...out came the tab. She went to get some of that spray. Right then my friend who works there walked by. We'd had the gag conversation all the way home from Tulsa a couple months ago, so she knew about me. They ended up double-teaming me. Hygienist sprayed my throat...twice...Danni stood by the button, hygienist stuck the tab in my mouth, she ran out of the room while Danni pushed the button, I spit the tab out. It worked on the first try both times. Still had a little tear in the corner of my right eye, but other than that not too bad. Thanks, Danni!

While I was laying there getting my teeth cleaned, I had a sudden though. "I wonder if she's ever dropped the mirror down someone's throat?!?" Have you ever thought about that?? I asked her, and she said she never has. Whew.

She Got Boo'd

Now, I have heard that there have been some pretty bad performances of the National Anthem...Rosanne Barr, for example. Never in my life, though, have I witnessed someone being boo'd after singing the National Anthem in public. Not just any public, but thousands and thousands of people live, plus millions more sitting at home watching. Last night was a Cowboys game. In honor of National Hispanic Month, they invited Kat DeLuna to sing the Anthem. I have zero idea who this is, but apparently she's some pop-star. Ho.Ly.Cow. First of all, if you can't sing a capella, don't try. There's not shame in it. Second, don't get all hoochy-mama while you're singing the Star Spangled Banner! Terrible. Seriously, you should watch it. Listen to the crowd at the end. It takes a lot for a bunch of Texans to boo the National Anthem!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q98BuAX2T0U

Maybe It Is Still the Grand Ol' Party

Did you see Sarah Palin's speech last night at the RNC? Phenomenal. I was sitting on my couch watching, and I kept saying, "I LOVE her!" About halfway through her speech, the camera panned the crowd and I saw a women look at her friend and mouth, "I LOVE her!" I think that pretty much sums up what American conservatives feel.

How long has it been since there has been a real reason to be excited about anything Republican? I honestly don't know. The first time W ran, there was a certain level of interest, but nothing like this. Back then it was more of a "we need to take back the White House since Clinton has messed us up" kind of thing. The past week, though, there has been an...I don't know...electricity.

Obviously I haven't been around for lots of Presidential elections. As far as I can tell, though, this is the most brilliant political move in at least my lifetime. Palin is a woman, and a feminine one at that. In her first speech she actually used the words "break the glass ceiling once and for all!" Nobody knew anything about her, so the day after the DNC, the entire media had to focus her, not Obama. She gave birth to a special needs child even though they knew he had Downs...and she talks about the blessing he is. Her unmarried daughter is pregnant and is actually going to keep the baby and marry the boyfriend...They don't see it as being "punished with a baby" at all. She's beautiful, she's a sports nut, she's very well-spoken, she doesn't mind taking on a fight, she does what's right, she's not part of the "system", her son's in the Army, and, like most of America, she is from a small town. The list goes on and on. Brilliant.

Did you see her youngest daughter Piper last night? Hilarious! After the girls were introduced (at which point Piper stood up and told her sisters to stand, as well), she decided she wanted to hold the baby. So her dad passed the baby off. Later the cameraman got one of the greatest shots. Piper licked her hand and smoothed down the baby's hair. So stinkin' funny! I love how real that family is. They've not been groomed for politics. They're just the family next door that showed up on TV one night while their mom winged her VP nomination acceptance speech like it was nothing new.

That's right, she winged it. About halfway through the speech, the teleprompter decided to keep running through all the applause. So Sarah gave the rest of her speech from memory.

In all my imaginings, I never thought I would be excited to vote this year. I was going to vote because I love to vote. But I wasn't going to vote because I wanted McCain to win. More like I wanted Obama to lose. Now I can't wait. Maybe, just maybe, it really IS still the Grand Ol' Party.